At the place I work we incorporate a personality test into our interview process. I’m the empathetic, relational type. I value relationships, loyalty, harmony and sincerity (with a bit of bite added in for spice). I’m an encourager, so I naturally look for the best in people and I love close companionship. These are great qualities, but they can also be a cocktail for pain in the dating arena. Through my teens and twenties, I was never without a boyfriend. I was loving and loyal for the duration of each relationship (often lasting for years) but the minute the relationship ended, I was immediately in another. New boyfriends were easy to find. There was always someone who had recently come into my life that made me laugh, was kind, who saw the beauty in me and appreciated it, and whom I connected with. And the relationship was always fun and fulfilling, until it wasn’t.

I grew up believing in spiritual gifts and long suits, so personal prophecy and words of knowledge were never spooky or mysterious. God has revealed information to me about people in specific situations to help or encourage them and if God knows me more than anyone, then he can choose to reveal certain things to someone for the same purpose. Growing up there was a week-long summer church camp I attended for several seasons that was incredibly formative. There were two women who volunteered there that were extremely gifted and who had honed their skills in the area of words of knowledge and personal prophecy. There were tons of people at these camps, and I tended to be quiet so neither of them really knew me, but I knew they were known for being gifted. So, whenever there was an invitation to get prayer by one of the many volunteers, I made a beeline to one of these two women, expecting to hear from God. One year, one of those personal prayers went something like this:

You have a tender, loyal heart and you see the best in people. God sees this and loves these things about you. But boyfriends and continuous relationships are a distraction to you. They are distracting your attention from God and from the things of life that truly matter right now. The Father has someone for you, but that is in the future. The devil knows this weakness and putting the wrong guys in your path is one of his ploys against you. Keep your eyes on the Lord and he will keep you in perfect peace.

Wow, talk about accurate and poignant. I knew instantly she had heard God clearly. You would think I would have stopped dating immediately but oftentimes, humans being what we are, LOTS of little seeds have to be planted before we start walking in wisdom. Especially if wisdom means turning away from something we’ve turned to for comfort for years. The lure of a handsome face telling me how unique and amazing I was soon overshadowed one prayer at a church camp.

One thing that at least kept me safe from marrying the wrong guy was that I refused to marry anyone without God’s clear “Yes.” There were a few times when I was head over heels, but I wouldn’t hear that yes, I was aching for. It was frustrating and sometimes incredibly painful. But it kept me safe. My propensity to see the best in people coupled with my loyalty and longing for affirmation often kept me from seeing warnings that were there if I had known how to see them. And some guys were great, but God still made it clear they weren’t my husband. It seemed back then all I ever heard was no (because there would only be one yes).

Do I believe there is only one perfect match for everyone? Not really. I believe meeting the right person isn’t as important as becoming the right people by learning how to walk in love and selflessness. But I do believe the God of the universe is interested in all the little details of our lives. And he will give us input in any area that we invite him into. Marriage impacts our lives and hearts so immensely, why not ask for wisdom from the only one that sees all? I have no way of knowing the future. I don’t know if someone will choose to love me forever and grow in the Lord or fall out of love with us both. I can do my best to use wisdom, but inviting God into the process was an absolute for me.

Though waiting for that yes saved me from marrying the wrong guy, it certainly didn’t stop me from dating the wrong ones and through the years my heart began to collect lots of little hurts, rejections and wrong messages. Finally, in my late twenties I heard the Lord’s clear directive to, “Stop dating.” It was hard to hear and even harder to obey. I was only ready to hear it because I had been growing closer to him. He took me to Hosea 2:

Therefore I will block her path……
 She will chase after her lovers but not catch them;
    she will look for them but not find them…….

“Therefore I am now going to allure her;
    I will lead her into the wilderness
    and speak tenderly to her…..“In that day,” declares the Lord,
    “you will call me ‘my husband’; (v: 6, 7,14, 15 NIV)

He wanted to be my refuge, my affirmation, my love. He no longer wanted me running to the next guy to tell me I was beautiful; I needed to get that from him. He wanted me to come close. I needed to thrive outside of being in a relationship. He also wanted to show me what to look for and how to recognize a man of honor. Not a perfect man, but a progressing man. Not only that, but he wanted to show me how to honor that man in return. I didn’t realize that the world’s message about dating and marriage had slipped in. When it came to relationships, I had fallen into a mindset of “taking” instead of giving. I needed to learn that marriage involved the responsibility of holding and treasuring someone’s heart.

I understand this is a specific audience, but this post is for that girl who is waiting for her prince to come. I am here to tell you that if you trust God to protect you from the wrong guy, and lead you to the right one, he will. He will honor whatever we place in his capable hands. You may have to be willing to hear no, even when it hurts, but listen to and obey that no. It will save you lots of wasted time and heartache if you do. It may be frustrating to hear no, but there will only be one yes. Whether you are used to going from relationship to relationship like I was, or you haven’t dated at all, God knows your wants, your needs, and your path. Draw close to him and trust him with your heart and your future.

Last month I celebrated my 12th anniversary of marriage. When the time was right, I finally heard that yes from God. I’m not saying marriage doesn’t involve work (as we’ve all heard it does) and that there won’t be ups and downs (we’ve had our share of crazy fights) and LOTS of opportunities to grow. But what I can tell you is that my husband is my best friend. He makes me feel safe and treasured and I love him more today than ever. I’m so thankful I get to live this life with him. That is what God wanted for me all along. And that is what he wants for you. He wants to be your first love so that he can show you what it truly looks like to be treasured. And he wants to teach you how to truly honor your future husband’s heart. You can trust him to lead you in the way you should go. His plans for you are good.
    

A Part of Renewing Your Mind:

1. Give the area of your love life to God. Put your emotions aside and get quiet and ask what he wants you to do. Does he want you to stop dating? Start dating? Get out of a relationship? Are there fears, insecurities or unhealthy mindsets he wants to address? God knows what each person’s specific needs are. If you are not willing to surrender your love life to him, ask him to help you be willing to and spend lots of focused time with him.

2. Let the Lord show you what unconditional, unselfish love looks like. You are made to be profoundly treasured and it’s also your responsibility to learn how to truly cherish your partner’s heart.