When I was in my early twenties, I remember a day when I cried out to God in anger. I said something along the lines of: “You said that those who follow you have life and peace! I don’t have any f@*#*#* peace!” If anything, I’ve always been authentic with God. It was definitely coming from a place of honesty, but it was also coming from a place of ignorance. The Bible does speak about a peace that passes understanding. I just didn’t know what my part was in receiving and walking in that peace. I thought because I believed in Jesus, I should automatically have the blessings he talks about. I didn’t understand I had a vital part to play.

There are so many Christians today that do not have joy and peace. They have just as much anxiety and depression as people without Jesus. I walked around as a Christian who truly loved God, but with so much brokenness.

Through the years, the Lord has shown me (and he is still showing me) my part to walking in peace. What was so lacking then, seems like common sense now.

The devil is called the god of this world. It’s pretty hard to grow up in this world without becoming hurt or twisted in some area. Whether it’s through the media, peers, culture, broken families, etc. there is constantly a message being sent to knock you into some area of brokenness or speak some message saying you are not enough. If you’ve lived in this world for any amount of time without renewing your mind to what God says, it’s extremely easy to come to a place of depression or at the very least, not walk in peace.

Isaiah 61:1 says: The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners (NIV).

During that angsty time in my early 20s when I called out in anger and frustration, God very clearly gave me a vision. I’ve received pictures in my mind from the Lord before, but this was very different. It was the only time when my eyes were open, but all I could see was what the Lord was showing me. It was like he was engulfing me inside of a picture (or a pensieve for you Potter fans). At the time I was living in a cute little A-frame cabin in the Indiana woods with roommates. They were gone that day and I was alone pacing in my basement bedroom. I don’t remember all the whys of my heart hurting, but I was in pain. I’m sure it was a number of reasons all very poignant to my 20-something overwhelmed soul but after yelling that I had no f@*#*#* peace I cried out, “God! I’m in so much pain! And I can’t hear you so you’re going to have to speak louder or do something!!” I’m sure I had cried out to him in the past with similar urgency. I don’t know what was different about this particular time but immediately, I was engulfed in the vision. God showed me a heart with barbed wire wrapped around it. I knew it represented my heart. Where the barbs were sticking into it, blood was trickling down. The picture faded and transformed, and the barbs turned into the crown of thorns on Jesus’ brow and the blood that was trickling down my heart was now blood trickling down his face. The picture returned to my heart wrapped in wire and I saw two big hands (that represented the Father’s hands) trying to pick up my heart and bring it close to him but the wire was in the way. Carefully the hands started removing the wire. He was patient and gentle. As he removed each barb the blood kept dripping from the holes left. Finally, the holes slowly began to close. When the heart was whole and healed, he took my heart and he placed it within his.

I said I couldn’t hear him, so he gave me a vivid vision. Images that said, my son took your pain for you. He came to bind up the broken hearted. And though the healing will be a process, I am patient. And after that healing takes place, we’ll walk together. I’ll show you the exciting process of our hearts becoming one.

What God showed me was vivid and beautiful and true. It’s true for all of his daughters. It’s true for you. What I had to learn was the importance of renewing my mind. Renewing our minds is how we partner with God to walk in peace and wholeness. We can’t focus on the things of the world, live, think and speak like everyone in our culture and expect to be free from angst, pain, anger, worry and depression. Every day, I would go so far as to say every thought, we either choose life or choose death.

This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live (Deuteronomy 30:19 NIV).

I’ve learned that if I want to walk in peace, I’ve got to learn to think how Jesus thinks. I’ve got to find out what his word says and agree with him. The more I get to know him, the more I trust him. The more I trust him, the more I yield my life, heart and attitudes to him. The more I yield to him, the more freedom I walk in. It’s really quite a beautiful process. It takes time and intentionality to renew your mind to God’s ways of thinking instead of the world’s. But it is oh-so-worth-it. It leads to life and peace.

*Got Peace? How to less anxious Part 2